Tuesday, September 19, 2017

If we were having coffee ... #16Sept




If we were having coffee
I would detail each minute of my life from the day you left
We would talk and laugh and cry
Over you missing all those

If we were having coffee
I would tell how much it broke me
You leaving just like that
I would tell how much it changed me forever

If we were having coffee
You would scold me for the things
Stupid ones, I did
You would sulk at me
For being irresponsible at life

If we were having coffee
I would cringe at the time going
Crib at you for never visiting me even in dreams
Sigh at the thought of you leaving again

If we were having coffee
Once again I’ll make sure that conversation stays forever
Gives me hope for more coffee
And leaves me stronger than before

If we only were having coffee … 


I am taking My Alexa Rank to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa with BlogChatter. 
This is Post #5





Monday, September 11, 2017

Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.


Today I saw, no heard death, not once but twice. Morning I woke up to a blogger friend’s mom passing away and in the evening a colleague’s. She called me in between a meeting and said crying her mother was seriously admitted and chances are low. But after half an hour a call from India to me, confirmed her mom passing away. Till now we haven’t disclosed to her. When I went talk to her she hugged me and cried she want her mom and don’t want to lose her. She took away my strength.  

Tonight she’ll drift off to sleep, praying for her mom’s recovery. Tomorrow night she’ll reach her hometown to see her mom numb and cold. I cannot imagine her devastation. I cannot imagine both my friends’ loss.

I have seen death before. My grandparents, aunt, uncle, friends…

But one death that shocked me to the core was a friend’s. I was 20, at that time. I was taught that no harm will happen to good people. No destruction, no loss, no bad things will happen to people that do no harm to others. But when I lost him, I lost that belief. I lost my innocence and hope in goodness with him.  

It took me year to accept the reality and the fact that death is inevitable. It comes to the good and bad, rich and poor, young and old, friends and enemies and even to me. Death is the only area in life, where man is truly helpless and at the mercy of the ultimate power. Only time when man becomes nothing.

Death leaves you breathless. It takes away your sleep. It changes us. It breaks us. You seek them everywhere, you feel their presence, and you smell them, even when you know that they are not there. You still pray for a miracle even after you have buried them deep down. 
It leaves a permanent void in you, which no matter what happens, or time passes … will not heal, but will diminish the scar, really slowly.



And still, after years and decades there will be moments, when you will suddenly feel a heart trenching ache when you miss them just like that.

But if there’s a sunset, there’s a sunrise too. With a new morning you will definitely move on.

Still believing in goodness and still embracing hope. Praying that both my friends get immense strength and love to stay strong during this period. 

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. —James O’Barr



I am taking My Alexa Rank to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa with BlogChatter. 
This is Post #4





Friday, September 8, 2017

Tomorrow will take care of itself.


I am selfie person. Thou I don’t share them in my FB feed 24*7; I do change my Whatsapp display picture regularly. And last week after so many months, I got some genuine comments from friends and cousins saying that I look my old self with a happy smile that reached my eyes.

If someone told me some years ago, that today I was sitting in a pothole of emotions surrounded by so many queries about life itself, I might have mocked them. I was a person who had her perfect plan for life mapped our right from the age of 12. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew where I wanted to live, knew when not to fall in love, I knew which all countries I wanted to explore, knew the kind of house I wanted, I knew when to get married, how many kids I wanted, even had my retirement plans. But none, absolutely none, worked out. To start with, I didn’t study what I wanted to (now I am), didn’t change cities when I wanted to, found love and lost, married at the wrong time and the wrong soul, my need of house changed to home, idea of parenthood changed, my perception for exploring changed, my opinion about life itself changed.

And all these took a toll in me.

Initially faced with adversities, I fought silently and came out of it with stronger wings and strength. I had this “I don’t care, it’ll be alright” attitude in me. The moment I lost it, I lost myself. I lost my happiness and basked in insecurities.  

But recently something snapped inside me. I was all set to close down the unwanted chapters and people in my life, but that also didn’t work out as planned. That moment, I came to understand no matter what I do, no matter how much I stress out about my tomorrow’s, it will just happen as it is meant to. The amount of stress I give as input is not going to result in a better output. Infact it’s just ruining my present.  


And last week after reading Corine’s Monday musings, it just cemented by my thoughts. The realization that what you do, how much you worry, tomorrow will definitely take care of itself. You don’t have to do much; you don’t have to worry much. You just have to do whatever to have to do today. And tomorrow will happen. Just like that. Stop worrying and start living.



My life is full of chaos at the moment. But I am ok and I am happy.




Title & Post idea courtesy: Corinne Rodrigues Of EverydayGyaan
I am taking My Alexa Rank to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa with BlogChatter. 
This is Post #3



Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Home.


Home?!

The place where I spend my childhood
The room that saw me evolved into a woman from a little one
The pillows that caressed my broken heart’s tears
The white curtains that let inside the breeze of joy into me
And ever changing colors of wall that let out my mood
The veranda which let me be intoxicated with the smell of fresh earth
Is that my home?

Or

Is it the place where I learned to rise back after a fall?
Land which taught me to survive without friends or even foes
Abode where loneliness was welcomed as a long lost friend
Opportunities which waited for me to embrace
Busy-ness which offered a pseudo invisibility
Mundane routines which make me yearn for weekends
Is this land away from my native, my home?

There are times when the contrasts of both places frustrates me
Yet I find peace in all these chaos 
But which one is home to me?

These days I feel at home in some moments
In some people and in some memories
These days I feel at home in my laughter
In my ambitions and in my happiness
These days I find home in myself.



Linking this to #MondayMusings at EveryGyaan
&
I am taking My Alexa Rank to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa with BlogChatter. This is Post #2






Saturday, September 2, 2017

Happiness is a By-product.


When was a child, if someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I would say “Happy”. Yes. I just wanted to be happy. No matter what job I did, where I lived, how much I earned at the end I wanted to be happy. I wanted to cuddle in my bed with a smile. But as years piled in my age, as time passed, as I graduated from a student to employed, as I left my country for another place, the happiness also started blurring. The intensity just reduced. And then one day, I couldn’t even find it. There was not even a trace of her. (Let’s assume Happiness is a woman.)

I searched for her here in heaven and earth, in different countries, in various jobs, between different people, even in food, but I just couldn’t find her. I got tired. I stopped wandering searching for her. But after a while, I found that happiness couldn’t be found anywhere except within you.

I understood that happiness is not a life status. It’s a state of mind. Usually happiness is ephemeral. It lasts just for a short time. It’s because life is a mix of ups and downs. You can’t demand a life full of peaks without expecting a few slopes and gutters. And when you understand  that happiness is not a goal, by is a by product you reach a state of ultimate happiness, where you take everything with positiveness and a grateful heart and also with hope that the next day Sun will shine brighter. 

So,


What is happiness for you? Are you happy at the moment?




Linking this to #FridayReflections


I am taking My Alexa Rank to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa with BlogChatter
This is Post #1






Thursday, August 17, 2017

Let's Go

Hey,

Let's get out of here

Let's get out of here to a faroff land

Not some exotic country but maybe to Russia, Japan or even Uganda

Let's take off one day and meet midair as strangers

Let's be co-passengers and introduce ourselves

Let's say cheers to wine and laugh over the crappy airline food

Let's giggle like kids over the choice of movies 

And once at the destination, let's pick an Ok motel

Dumb our luggages and get out to the street 

Let's explore the nook and corner

The not tourist places, the infamous alleys, not so popular restaurants and downright libraries

Let's drink cheap whisky

Let's sing and dance to nonsense music until our legs wobble and voice coarse

Let's walk back drunk at wee hours and kiss out loud

Let's confuse lust over love and hold hands

Let's sleep off whispering inaudible nothing's and cuddling each other

Let's sleep through the morning rays and 

When we wake up in the afternoon

Let's repeat

Let's repeat the same routine

With different alleys, restaurants, bars and libraries

Let's repeat until it's time to go

To return to the world we belong

Where we are labeled as husband and wife

Or as lovers or as girlfriend and boyfriend

Or as perfect strangers

But only .... 

Until next time.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Be Present ... This Moment.


Yesterday while rummaging through some old picture folders in my PC came across my betrothal and marriage pictures. There were just few pictures which I actually liked, the rest of them were all mandatory family and couple pictures. I'm not blaming the photographer. I was not a very cooperative bride. I was busy doing or arranging stuffs for both the functions either with my eyes or hands or emotions or mind. 



I cannot even remember a moment I felt relaxed or happy or enjoying the moment. During my betrothal's reception, I was worried whether everything will be fine. Whether the cake will reach at the right time? Will everyone like the decor? Will the food be enough? I forgot to take picture alone with my brother, best friend or even parents. When it was time to get my single pictures, I was busy settling the hotel and decor bill. 

During marriage it was just one moment, which the truth of 'I'm getting married' actually struck me, the moment before he was tying the knot. Till then, I was like this bouquet is heavy, I told them I wanted a light weight one and still they gave me this. Gosh, these heels are killing my feet. My veil!. OH! Yea should smile. Then then lighting stricked and I was like. What the hell am I doing here? Who's this guy standing next to me? Am I doing the wrong thing? Do he even know me? And even before I finished thinking the marriage was done, and the priest was blessing us to have 100 kids. 

Then everything in the reception was dizzy. A saree which refused to sit still, some guests who wanted time to tease the newlyweds and a picture, others who expected me to remember them from my baby years, friends whom I wanted to just take away to some faraway place and just have some wine, but just got time for a hug, music which everyone applauded and I didn't even notice. Everything was like a mirage.

I can't remember …
One moment I was utterly happy.
One moment where I was at ease.
One moment where I didn't think about anything else but me.
One moment where I believed everything was just fine and I could let out that breath I was holding.

One thing I learned from this is, what matters is your happiness. No matter what you do, if you are not happy or if you fail to enjoy the moment then everything else is absolute nonsense. 


“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.” 
― 
Maya Angelou












Thursday, August 10, 2017

If we were having coffee ...



If we were having coffee
We would sit across
With a cappuccino and a cold coffee

If we were having coffee
It would be from a handshake to mundane things of world
From black hole to simple blessings
From fears to real time happiness
From loneliness to death

If we were having coffee
We would travel the world with conversations
With each sip our forehead creases are smoothened
Shoulder stiffness are eased
And smile makes its sneak peak onto our lips

If we were having coffee
It would fill our souls till we drift off peacefully
With our thoughts and words making their way to universe
Hoping to cross the oceans and reach us.



 I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words #6





A Musical Guest


“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest; heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.” 

Today I have here not a author, blogger or a writer of any sort but a person who delivers his creativity through singing. 

Robin Prasad

He’s a passionate singer, who’s an Engineer by day and a singer by night. Among us friends, he’s the one who lives just for music. Today, as a guest-post I am featuring his creativity, a song he has sung. He have no idea that I’m doing this. So do listen, enjoy and share the music.

Over to his voice. I do recommend using headphones. 







What do you think? Share your thoughts. 

You can find more of his songs here





                               I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words #6



Tuesday, August 8, 2017

For You ... A letter.


Dear You,

One thing leads to another. One month leads to another. And one year led to eighth. Times flies yet makes us realize that indeed it’s a complicated journey.

There are times I wonder, why you left so fast. Why you didn’t stay back to make more memories? You know what I miss about us the most? The opportunity to get to know each other better.

We were just acquaintances when we interrupted each other’s life with so much of power. But I would have loved to experience many phases of that. I wish we had the time to grow up together.

Some nights when sleep fails to embrace me, my thoughts sail to you. And suddenly a fear grips me.

What if I forget you one day?

What if I won’t be able to remember your face, the glint in your eyes or that smirk you have? 

What if, one day when I try to draw your face in my mind, I fail? 

What if the memories start to dribble out of my memory while I desperately try to hold them?

There are days and moments when I miss you so much that make me wonder how I kept going till date without you in life. But that's how life turns out to be. You'll miss people who're important to you; you just have to live without souls whom you don't want to leave... You'll have to learn to survive without the presence of those whom you always wanted in your life.
But some days are gloomier than the rest and some nights darker than yesterdays. Some moments lonelier than the previous...  And I just miss you so much at this moment than the rest, especially when today marks the eighth year of your leaving.  

I wish ...

… If only, one day I would wake up from a deep slumber and realize all these years were just dreams, very bad dreams …


… Just a wishful thinking …



Me.



P.S. Today is the eighth year of demise of a dear soul, M. Over the years I have written so many letters to him in the space and otherwise. Even when we, his friends and family miss him dearly, we all are so grateful for his presence in our family. 





                                I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words #6







Monday, August 7, 2017

A Day in Life


Her alarm buzzed at 6.30am, 6.45 & 7am only to be turned off and pull the blankets to cover her face, even without blinking the eyes. She know there’s going to be more to jerk her out of bed and promptly that rang at 7.30am.
Even without properly opening her eyes she took her phone, changed to silent mode (the notification sound irritates her in the morning) and connected to WIFI to scan through the messages. As usual the WriteTribe group is fully active with more than 100 messages, she thinks while keeping her phone aside.
After turning, tossing and stretching she takes herself out of the bed to the washroom after the morning prayers, grabbing the book on her bed stand.
Once out of washroom with a “Chechi Kaapi” scream she slammed her room shut and within 20 minutes she’s out of her home with another scream, “Amma Bye. Breakfast venda.”

Once at work, her time flies with the daily to-do list and works. But once in a while she feels that a 9-5 job was much easier to heart and brains than the own ventures as there’s no pressure except for deadlines.
But the freedom one enjoys, and the excitement and adrenaline rush to do something new and the happiness when good things happen is immense. At that moment for her every ounce of pressure feels really small.

By afternoon one thing she feels grateful for is a home and mom, where a warm lunch will be waiting for her everyday even at 4pm. 
The break time is usually hooked up with blogging, reading or TV time.
After break, work resumes by 6pm which can extend till 10-11pm depending upon the scenario. 

Once back home and done with the day, after a quick dinner, either she slobs onto her favorite corner of the couch with a movie running or she retires to bed with a book until every drop of energy is oozed out. Her daily life is a routine. Sometimes it freaks her out fearing its monotonous, making her forget that it's OK to meltdown. But most of the days, there's something good in a routine to look forward. 

And that's Sleep



                            I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words #6